Resistance or the definitive prove of an inadequate thought system
These last few weeks I observed how resistance actually works it’s way through your body mind and how smart it is to find new “logic” ways of keeping you from moving forward.
I had a lot of things to do, projects that needed to be finished, issues with an over suspicious IRS guy, and nagging people around me. The latter was more of my own making, a fine example of the way we create our world. When all seems well everyone is nice and I’m very spiritual and loving towards all beings. When we live in a dark gloomy contracted world these nice people seem to become nasty creatures just waiting for the wrong moment to ask the wrong question.
But I sidestep with all of this on my mind I noticed myself being very active, doing things and on the outside I guess on top of the situation. When releasing on my goals it became so clear that what I was doing had nothing to do with the things that really had to be done.
Through my resistance to actually do what was best at the moment I followed an escape route and became overactive doing nothing. After all working as hard as I seemed to, made it obvious that I did everything in my power to get the project done. WRONG.
Approval, Control and wanting to be One
The thing that actually was going on is the fact that I doubted if I could pull it off, so to save face I got into action and when things would get out of hand there was the escape of saying “But I did my best, Dad I’m a nice girl I worked hard but I couldn’t make it”… Hmm and the reward would be that my father would become very loving, extra attention and cookies and the distance I felt between us would vanish when he would hug me… and so on.
Actually all the reinforcement my “But I tried” trick has gotten should have made me more aware of it. But I got stuck releasing, couldn’t understand why my feelings wouldn’t shift. Then I listened to one of Lesters tapes and heard him say “trying is wanting approval for something you have no intention of doing”
Laughing like Hale on a commuters train..what a relief
This quote of him I have heard over and over but this time very convenient forgot made me laugh with an intensity that would make Hale very jealous. Oef the world changed, the stuckness gone and one more layer came off. It didn’t even matter that I was on a train listening om my iPhone the people around looked at me or looked away with an obvious negative concept about my mental stability. Meaning they thought that I had it… And actually they where right at that moment I got it!!